All is Allowed when Stealing Food
by Linnay
Summary: SLASH mild .DRABBLE.AU.PWP.SILLINESS. Beware the food and meat loving monster that is your captain because he'll do anything to get his, that's right, meat.


**Disclaimers: **I do not own Harry Potter or One Piece, they both belong to their respective owners and creators, J. K. Rowling and Oda Eiichiro-Sensei. I am merely writing this for my own enjoyment.

**Summary: **Is Luffy really that innocent? Or does he really just love meat that much?

**Pairing: **Luffy+Harry

**Warnings: SLASH**(nothing major though).**AU.** PWP.** Drabble**. To make things easier for myself (yeah, I'm lazy); I'm bypassing the language barrier by making them all speak English. Go figure. Oh, and please excuse the utter **silliness** of this. I don't know what came over me.

**Author's note: **I've wanted to write a HP and OP crossover for a while now but I never come up with a good idea for one. For the record, I'm not claiming this as a 'good idea' though. It has not real plot, whatsoever, and it's pure silliness through and through. It has no meaning at all except for making me laugh. Whether it'll make you guys laugh is still iffy. I hope you do, otherwise I'd feel awfully stupid for writing this in the first place.

All is Allowed when Stealing Food

* * *

><p>"<em>I want to eat meat!"<em>

- Monkey D. Luffy

* * *

><p>Harry James Potter sat down at the dining table along with the rest of the pirate crew of which he'd recently joined. It had only been a little over a month since he came to be the latest addition to the straw-hat pirates after the crew had set anchor outside the island where Harry had ended up 'stranded'. Though stranded was perhaps not quite the right word for it, as he actually had just dropped onto the island one day out of thin air, wondering where the 'bloody hell' here was. An unfortunate slip through the veil after his second trip to the Ministry's Department of Mysteries had sent him spiraling into unknown oblivion.<p>

At first, staying true to the Gryffindor spirit and trying to think positive, Harry thought he'd just ended up on some secluded Caribbean island or something. He ought to have become more suspicious when he started noticing the wide range of strange animals living there, however, being a wizard and all and coming from a world with strange magical animals and beings to begin with; he'd just assumed these were some foreign race of magical creatures that he had yet to set eyes upon or read about in school. He was too preoccupied anyway with keeping himself from being eating by these so called strange animals to really ponder about their strange appearances.

How naïve he had been on those first days. Harry knew he shouldn't have underestimated his infamous luck. Now it had struck with a vengeance and bit him right in the arse.

His first clue that something was not quite right came when he, yet again, failed to contact his friends at home, or anyone for that matter, through his patronus. The white shimmering stag would rush on its way but no reply would ever come back. Well into the fourth week of his stay there, Harry started wondering if he ever would get off this bloody island, that is, until the straw-hats decided to make it their next stop on their journey and sweep Harry off his feet.

Literally.

* * *

><p>While picking nuts and berries for his daily meal, Harry had walked straight into a trap that had him upside down with his left foot caught in the hoop of a rope. It was his 'manly' scream that probably alerted a few of the crew, who had recently come ashore, and it didn't take many minutes until Harry came eye to eye with his 'captor', or rather captors. His upside down position didn't do much for his first sight of the two, and he'd lost his glasses as well, which lay somewhere on the ground beneath him. He could just barely make out two blurry images of red and brown mixed with black hair.<p>

Harry squinted at the pair below; watching as how the red clothed individual seemingly tilted his head to the side.

"That's a person." The brown shape, a young man, next to the red one said surprised.

"What the? A person? Not food? Where is the food? Usopp! Where's my food!" The blurry red individual, another young man, whined petulantly to his companion.

"How should I know?" The other one, named Usopp apparently (strange name that, but who was Harry to judge with friends with stranger names), replied with a confused huff. "Hey, but didn't that old tavern guy at the last island say this one was uninhabited?" He added thoughtfully.

"What do I care? I want my food!" The other shouted. "I'm hungry!" Then he turned to Harry again and the caught teenager felt an involuntarily shiver go down, I mean go up, his spine. "You sure he's a person? Maybe he's just an animal disguised as a person." Harry could have sworn he heard the guy actually lick his lips.

Harry stared dumbfounded at the young man, whatever he could make out anyway, feeling suddenly highly uncomfortable for a whole other reason besides hanging upside down with his foot caught in a snare. He was eerily reminded of some of the few feral predators inhabiting this island which had thought Harry would make a nice snack, that is before a well placed _Incendio_ had them making second thoughts. Harry left hand itched slowly towards where his wand was hidden in its' sheath while he opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm not food, you idiot!" Harry let out indignantly while the blood that had rushed to his head was making him a little dizzy.

"The food speaks!" The unnamed young man gasped.

"I'm not food!" Harry protested again, annoyed that someone could really be that thick in the head.

"Luffy!" Usopp berated his companion. "That's a human and not food."

Thank Merlin at least one of them had a brain.

"Oh..." Luffy said disappointed. He eyed Harry and then looked at Usopp again. "You sure?"

Harry was not in the least impressed.

The red clad young man yelped when Usopp whacked him across the head.

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Alright…" You could clearly hear the pout in Luffy's voice.

Harry sighed loudly where he dangled above the ground.

"Could someone let me down now?"

"Oh sorry, sure." Usopp apologized automatically and then cut the rope with a knife he must have had before Harry could offer up a protest that perhaps that wasn't such a good idea.

He came crashing down on the ground with another, very manly, shout and then let out an outdrawn groan as he rolled onto his stomach, face down, absently wondering exactly how many bones he broke in that fall. Thankfully his wand was still secured in the case fastened to his wrist and safe, enchanted to stay intact even during severe abuse. He groaned again as he felt a finger nudge the top of his mussed head.

"You okay?" The crazy guy that just a moment ago had wanted to eat him, Luffy was it, asked him.

Harry heaved himself up and tried to steady his swimming head as all the blood that had pooled in his brain started circulating properly again.

"Was that necessary?" He asked them and then started feeling with his hands around him. His glasses should be around here somewhere and hopefully they wouldn't be damaged. At least he hadn't heard any breaking glass. "Where's my glasses?"

"Glasses?" Luffy echoed.

He hummed and Harry heard the crunching of earth from footsteps, pausing, before stepping up to the kneeling and half-blind young man.

"You mean these?" Usopp asked from his right.

Harry looked up and could just make out the outline of the familiar item held in the young man's outstretched hand.

"Yeah, thanks."

He reached for them, picking them up and then leant back to put them on. Instantly the world cleared, despite the light smudge against the lenses, and Harry was able to observe the strange duo hunching before him more closely.

The two was staring at him curiously, one in particular that sported a red buttoned vest, light blue jean shorts, sandals and a, of all things, straw-hat. This one must be Luffy, judging from how he was the only one wearing red. The first thing he noticed about the other one, Usopp, was his incredibly long nose and the curly black hair. He was wearing a black tank top and a pair of brown pants with braces.

"Who are you guys? I thought I was alone on this island." Harry questioned them as he rose to his feet, the other two mimicking him.

"We came on my ship, the Thousand Sunny Go!" The straw-hat wearing boy exclaimed proudly.

"Ship?" Harry echoed hopefully.

"Yeah." Luffy replied and then raised his hand to spy into the jungle surrounding them. "You don't happen to know where there's food do you?"

* * *

><p>Harry chuckled lightly into his glass of water at his first memory and encounter with the straw-hats pirate's captain and crew. It was easy to say that he had never before met a group of people with such dynamics working between them. Even in comparison to some of the fairly odd individuals from back home. He could still remember his surprise when Luffy had; out of the blue really, invited him to join the crew. Who knew simply feeding someone would make said fed person think you were the kindest person in the world. Harry was just happy to finally get of the bloody island and didn't really think before accepting the offer.<p>

"Oi Luffy! Stop stealing my food!"

Harry looked up and saw Usopp smack an errant, and elongated, hand before it could reach his plate. That was another thing Harry had been most astonished with when finally finding out where exactly he had landed himself. Another world. Somehow he had fallen, literally, into another world and apparently there were people here with so called devil fruit's powers; powers that could do the most amazing things. That little revelation had put a halt to his tries to contact his friends. I mean, how in Merlin's beard did you do that when you were in a complete other world altogether? Harry hadn't known it was possible to travel between worlds or even that there existed other worlds outside of his own.

That little tidbit had left him utterly shocked and he'd gone silent for several days trying to process the incredulity of it all. He'd even earned some worried glances from some of the crew, despite him being new in the group. Being who he is, and considering that it couldn't do any harm now, Harry finally spilled the beans, so to speak; when Chopper, a reindeer with devil fruits powers, finally brought up the courage to ask him what was wrong during dinner.

Harry hadn't seen that many shocked faces since facing that dragon in the Tri-wizard tournament in his fourth year. He even managed to get the ever stone faced swordsman, Zorro, to stare at him with disbelief. Harry supposed he had felt his own fair share of disbelief when Luffy just took everything to heart and simply exclaimed over the awesomeness of it all, and having a wizard as a crew member. Luffy really seemed more occupied with that fact and wanted Harry to show him some tricks. Chopper and Usopp had joined in their captain's excitement and Harry could still remember those glittering eyes looking up at him imploringly before he relented and transfigured his teacup into a frog and back.

Harry watched in the corner of his eye how another sneaking hand wound behind the backs of the eating members in his direction. Knowing exactly what the captain had in mind, Harry quickly caught the hand in his own to prevent the steal. The crew's eyes turned to the two to watch the unfolding events with various degrees of curiosity. Not deterred at all from the first failed attempt; Luffy tried again, from the other side this time only to have the same happen there with Harry's other hand clamping around the captain's wrist. When the hand still tried to wriggle free in the direction of the last piece of meat on Harry's plate; the wizard feeling his grip slipping since Luffy was much stronger than him after all, the wizard, hit by a last stubborn idea, promptly picked it up with his teeth and worked the meat into his mouth even though it was obvious it was too big for him to chew and swallow in just one go.

The raven haired wizard looked up victoriously, cheeks bulged and all, and peered down the table to where Luffy sat. Harry's display earned him shakes of the heads from a few and bemused ones from others. The crew looked on to see what their captain would do now, since it looked like he'd lost this fight. The captain pouted, annoyed and frustrated at the same time and it would seem that he was going to give up. Harry should've known better.

When a mischievous glint shone in Luffy's eyes, Harry instinctively knew that he was going to regret not just letting Luffy take the bloody piece of food from the start. I mean, what was a measly piece of meat anyway? Well, besides being a principle, Harry didn't want the other teenager thinking he could just swipe Harry's food whenever he wanted. It looked like Harry was going to dearly lament that decision now.

It all really happened too fast for Harry. He didn't have enough time more than to for his eyes to widen to the size of saucers as he watched Luffy do the unthinkable. The teenager twisted and flung his head, his _fricking head_, across the table towards Harry. In one moment he'd been in a staring contest with the captain and in the next he was frozen to the core as a mouth clamped around the piece of meat still sticking out from Harry's own mouth. He felt rather than saw a pair of lips press down against his own before teeth ripped of a piece of the meat. Harry's hands went numb with shock and Luffy's arms snapped back.

The wizard was certainly not alone in his shock and it showed blatantly in the rest of the crews expressions.

Harry gagged slightly on the remaining meat when he tried to breath in and just barely managed to swallow it after a series of coughs. Still holding a hand to his mouth, Harry stared at the black haired young man incrediously.

"_Bloody hell_!" Harry finally cried out, breaking the shocked silence and rousing the others into rather vocal actions.

"What the fuck was that Luffy!" Zorro shouted and stood up.

He was followed by the blonde cook who directed shaking finger at the blinking boy.

"You did not just kiss a guy! That's blasphemy!" Sanji wailed in outrage.

"I can't believe you just did that!" Nami, the female navigator cried at her idiot captain. Who knew he'd go that far?

Franky blinked once himself before breaking out in riotous laughter as Brook gasped in surprise.

"Well, that was interesting." Robin said bemusedly from her corner at the table, while Usopp and Chopper were doing two fine impressions of a blowfish. Apparently the two were still processing what just happened.

Luffy, unaware or rather ignoring the others, just hummed to himself in delight as he swallowed the stolen meat.

"That was some delicious meat." He said and grinned to himself.

The group was efficiently quieted down when Harry stood up hastily and his chair fell and clattered onto the floor. The others threw him looks and glances of wariness and one of mild interest as he breathed harshly.

"…that…" He murmured lowly and the others leaned in to try and hear him better.

Harry's face shot up, flushed and crimson in shade and his emerald eyes flashing.

"That was my first kiss you prat!"

The group gasped as a whole before the males, one reindeer and one navigator cried out together.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEH?"

Luffy stared steadily at Harry.

"Ah. Sorry."

Nami immediately turned and gave her captain a ringing smack to the back of the head.

"You think that measly excuse will make it better?"

Luffy pouted and rubbed the sore spot.

"Fine."

The teenager fixed his eyes with Harry's and took a deep breath as he stood and gave a bow.

"Thank you for the kiss, it was almost as good as Sanji's food."

Luffy only earned himself another hard smack that sent him face first into his empty plate. As the crew continued to lash out at their captain, Harry did his best to hide his flaming face and humiliated self as he crouched beneath the table out of sight.

His horrified murmurings to himself went unheard as the mayhem continued around him, all the while repeating to himself that he should've stayed on that bloody deserted island.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> So… … … did you laugh? Or did you even find it remotely amusing in its utter silliness. Anyway, I'm going to go and hide beneath my blankets now to hide my own embarrassment for even posting this. /Lin


End file.
